I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
