he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
