so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
