I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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