Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
