Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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