im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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