No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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