Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
