Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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