there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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