I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
