somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
