Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
