wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
