even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
