just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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