I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
