if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
