I'm so fucking centered right now
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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