wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
