Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
