I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
