Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
