I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
