Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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