He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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