My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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