sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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