i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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