If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize