I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
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I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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