a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
