He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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