im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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