isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
