I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
