3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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