He uses pillows to masturbate.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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