so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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