Cold hands, warm shart.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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