Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
