Michael Bay diarrhea
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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