Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
