Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
