i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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