I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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