i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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