I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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