next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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