Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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