I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
