i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize