I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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