I met the friendliest cop last night
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
