A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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