Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
