I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
