My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
