did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
