my mouth tastes like poor choices
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There are leaves in my underwear?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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