I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
they're like a gay fantastic four
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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