omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
