Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
