there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
