guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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