what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
