Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
