The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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