dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
