On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
