OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
