Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
