so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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